In mid-September, whispers about dates get louder: who’s going with whom to Homecoming? What signs are they making? Are they going as friends? On the surface, the Homecoming tradition remains intact — dresses, photos, matching ties, and some creative way to write “HOCO?” on a white posterboard. But while the concept of bringing a date to Homecoming hasn’t disappeared, its meaning has become far more ambiguous.
45.3% is how many upper-school Bishop’s students (who responded to a recent survey conducted by The Tower) brought a date to this year’s Homecoming dance. Just under half of those dates were romantic. 51.1% of 144 student respondents even said they were going solo.
Pairs of students opt to go to Homecoming as “just friends,” not out of disinterest in romance, but because of a broader cultural change. Teenage dating culture seems to have grown more fluid, informal, and emotionally unclear; Bishop’s students are no exception.
Sasha Ponnam (‘28) wondered, “What even is dating anymore?”
Students seem to prefer to embrace a low-pressure night of fun rather than fixate on gray areas, such as how they may define their relationship with their date. When asked how they might describe their relationship with their Homecoming date, students were nearly evenly split: 50.8% said they were a “thing” — defined as talking, a situationship, or dating — while 49.2% said they were just friends.
As Sasha said, it is hard to picture the reality of high school relationships when there isn’t a clear answer as to what dating — or the more commonly used term, “talking” — looks like. Sasha added, “The term ‘talking’ is so confusing because if you’re involved with somebody, why can’t you just say you’re dating? But then that’s such a big word. Dating.” It seems that defining relationships often creates more stress than clarity, especially around events like Homecoming.
Director of Counseling Ms. Megan Broderick (‘98) looked back on school dances and her dating experience in high school. She said she “almost feels sorry” for Bishop’s students today growing up in what seems like a “different culture of dating.” She said, “It’s a shame because dates were so fun; there was more formality, which I think in some ways is really cool and respectful. I feel like you guys might be missing out.”
Ms. Broderick felt that a hyperfixation on the future at Bishop’s leaves students unable to take dating in the present as seriously. “Being in a relationship and socializing has kind of fallen on the back burner. It’s a shame, because we always say we want Bishop’s to be transformational, not transactional,” she said.
Reminiscing about her school dances at Bishop’s with nostalgia and excitement, Ms. Broderick noted clear-cut differences in the atmosphere surrounding Homecoming and its traditions. She remembers students “making a whole evening out of the event,” whereas she gets the impression that students now “just want to get to the dance and leave.” Ms. Broderick’s nostalgia raised the question: What does Homecoming really mean to students now?
While James O’Brien (‘26) added that “some people do look forward to the actual dances,” he admitted, “it is true that most of the fun people are actually anticipating are the things you do before and after the dance.”
Audrey Donnelly (‘26) explained, “When I think of a high school dance, I do still think of what you see in movies … getting dressed up, getting your nails done, matching with a date. You don’t need a date to have fun, but it’s part of that larger experience.”
Angie Rizo (‘29) agreed that, while being asked or asking someone to Homecoming is often included in the idea of the “high school experience,” she believes it is often more “performative than personal.” Students bring dates not because of their connection, but “just to have a date.” Angie thought that when choosing a date from everyone in the grade, “It has become a thing where you just pick and choose from all the options.” She noted that most people aren’t treating it as anything more than just “a piece of the Homecoming puzzle,” where a “date” in reality might simply mean a collection of “photos for Instagram.”
Still, Angie pointed out that even the casual approach to taking dates to Homecoming comes with its own pressures. Cooper Armstrong (‘27) noted that being at a smaller school like Bishop’s often contributes to this pressure of conforming to what the majority might be doing — even more so when it is the week of homecoming and the number of people with dates seemingly outweighs the number without. Although objectively, that may not be a lot of people, at Bishop’s, small numbers make great differences to the bigger picture.
This feeling of potentially being the only one without a date doesn’t always stem from explicit peer pressure, but a quieter instinct to align with one’s friend group and larger Homecoming traditions. Surina Verma (‘26) said, “Sometimes, when all of your friends have found dates, you just kinda want to conform and also have a date. Not that it is a peer pressure type of thing, but for it to be cohesive.”
Audrey insisted that choosing to go to Homecoming with a date truly isn’t about peer pressure, but rather the shared process of getting asked, getting ready, and taking photos for the dance together that constitutes fun. “Normally, if we decide we’re going with dates, it’s everyone or none. That way it’s more fun — you’re all together,” she said.
It seems that students’ priority for Homecoming is having as much fun and as little stress as possible. Surina emphasized that bringing a date doesn’t have to carry weight or signal anything romantic. “I honestly think that it is just as exciting to ask or get asked to the dances if you are just friends with them,” she explained.
In the end, having a date is not necessarily about impressing others, checking a box, or displaying relationships; it comes from wanting to be a part of a shared experience. Students bring dates to Homecoming not to look back and remember that date, but because it ties the night in a collective memory. The fun lies less in romance and more in the excitement and chaos of experiencing it all together.
Maia Salami (‘27) concluded, “Either way, people shouldn’t feel like they have to follow a script — it’s your night and you should do what makes you happy, whatever that looks like.”
