Another Day, Another Kyle Slay!

We finally asked Kyle


Meghan Carr

We love a well-dressed king. Shoutout to the suit company that was able to make pants long enough for this Australian giraffe.

Sydney Chan and Spencer Ralph

Imagine a supposedly 6’6” uncoordinated Australian giant attempting a layup while playing basketball in his backyard alone. Initially, our first thought was that we were in the presence of the next Steph Curry. But when Graphics Editor in Chief Kyle Berlage (‘22) spoke about his crippling pain in his sprained ankle after he tripped on himself, the only thing left to do was laugh (we promise we’re not bullies–we love you Kyle). These actions left The Tower staff, and quite frankly the rest of the La Jolla community, thinking, how is it that a 6’6” Eurovision fanatic can only fulfill his high school sports requirement through yoga classes? (Seriously, Kyle, play a real sport!) So in order to give this InDesign god a proper goodbye, we jumped at the chance to write a profile as funny as the subject of it all.

Eighth grade Kyle was obsessed with investigative journalism; so when he heard about The Tower, he jumped at the chance to be a detective himself. To be frank, he probably was inspired by his binge watching of the million seasons of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. As he’s grown older and established his presence on the publication, Kyle has written countless flawlessly-drafted articles and created awesome layouts. But let’s be real here, you probably know this overly-knowledgeable guy through his world-renowned column, “No One Asked Kyle.”

In this section, Kyle answers three trending questions every issue. From why hiring a professional photographer for senior pictures is completely unnecessary (Studio M is a fraud!), to why the school is non-inclusive towards tall people (#JusticeForKyleInTheStairwells) (#HeightismIsReal!), Kyle gives us the opinions we never knew we needed. Let’s be real for a second, we know the first thing people do when they see the most recent print issue is flip to the very back. What will the staff do without The Tower’s esteemed comedian? The only correct answer is cry.

Throughout his four year Tower career, Kyle has found his favorite article to write to be ones with a collection of voices. “I gain a lot of perspective from writing those articles,” Kyle shared, “but it’s one thing to spew my opinions onto a page (as I’ve done in the Daily Urinal), and another thing to listen to and incorporate opinions other than my own.” An avid debater, a tax enthusiast (or maybe just the only student in the entire school that knows how to file their taxes), and your be-all-end-all San Diego transit king (seriously, GO PRONTO!), Kyle is a true renaissance man.

But he won’t just be remembered for assisting the helpless underclassmen get dates to formal. Kyle is also notorious for revamping layouts, awkwardly saying hello to teachers at the YMCA, and shouting “DING DONG!” whenever something remotely interesting happens in life.

When we asked Kyle for his craziest life memory and childhood trauma, Kyle so graciously spared our eyes, as “[his] childhood trauma is probably not ideal for a school publication.” He did share with us, however, that a Hydro Flask makes for a perfect weapon against your enemies. 

Another question posed was: what would Kyle miss the most from The Tower when he goes and slays at Davidson? “I’ll miss the chaotic energy of the staff,” Kyle mentioned. “We really are tight-knit, and I’ll miss the crazy group discussions we have. Making an issue is always a process characterized by midnight layout grinds and FaceTime calls at times that I might not be… of sound mind,” he shared. But the staff is going to miss Kyle even more.

His presence during pitching meetings and long layout nights always seems to bring up the mood of those around him. The Tower staff hopes that Kyle will carry his unique personality and presence wherever he goes in the future. The impact Kyle has had on his peers is unmatched to anything Bishop’s has seen before. His natural sense of leadership has driven him to success in such a large variety of topics that it is hard to fathom. We will forever cherish Kyle and his endless rants.

Until next layout…