A bad hair day can wreck a morning, even an entire day. It’s the canon everything-goes-wrong-day in 2000s teen movies, where the main character stumbles into frame with hair looking like a scraggly, weeping willow tree… or an overgrown shrub. I haven’t seen anyone on campus look as drastic as that but I hope my judgments on these hair accessories shield you from such unnecessary pain.
Zig-zag headbands
I’ve visited Jurassic World many times, and while this hair accessory isn’t a T. rex, it sure has teeth — and a history dating all the way back to the 1980s! So yes, your mother’s, maybe even your grandmother’s, hairdo is trendy. If worn right, this snazzy headband rakes through your roots and pushes your hair back in a volumizing crown of sorts. And if you have thinner, slippery hair like me, you tell yourself — as your strands of hair fall, and those two odd baby hairs make their sticking appearance — that no one will notice how you now look like Cri-kee from Mulan. I personally think Cri-kee is cute… but perhaps it’s not the vibe you were going for. Either way, these headbands are iconic, and if the 80s ladies could pull them off, you sure can too.
Claw clips
Was there ever a more versatile hair accessory? I’ve seen claw clips in all kinds of materials, shapes, and sizes: from plastic to metal, pink to butter yellow, shaped like flowers or fangs of dedication. Because these clips — good quality ones at least — can sometimes hold up a full head of hair!!! Impressive design if I do say so myself. But then again, the hair tie did that first. Claw clips seem to be like the new three-in-one-shampoo for people with style. Greasy roots? Claw clip. Need to work out? Claw clip. Don’t know what to do with your hair? Claw clip. Need to chomp someone’s hand with stylish dentures? Claw. Clip. Though, if you’re choosing violence against said person (I hope you don’t because The Tower doesn’t endorse violence), or choosing a quick fix hairstyle, do be careful. Claw clips, especially metal ones, can be quite sharp. The mere prospect of wearing them in a car, hitting your head, and their fangs digging into your skull… I can’t even think about it without shivering!
Ribbons and bows
Once upon a time, freshman Lisa wore a blue ribbon with her ponytail for three weeks straight, until said ribbon fell off and she never saw it again. In fact, multiple parts of my childhood have been somehow infiltrated by bows: big, sparkly, rainbow-colored ones from the Jojo Siwa era (please please don’t bring those back), scratchy, mesh-like, curling-all-over-the-place ones off of chocolate boxes. Ribbons and bows are objectively pretty. I can tell they’re something meant to make you feel just a little fancier each day. But in all honesty, when I see ribbons and bows in people’s hair, some a little lopsided (it’s insanely hard to tie a perfect bow), some sliding off the ends — I can’t help but think the hair begins to resemble a badly-wrapped birthday present. So, if you can tie a perfect bow in your hair and make it last all day, please please please submit a guest article to The Tower and share your secrets with the world.
Scrunchies…
*sigh* There was a time and a place for these. Now, I thankfully don’t hear “sksksksk” or see these scrunchies tied to a Hydroflask very often, so I don’t need to remember our pre-COVID society, or recall all pre-pubescent seniors who were coming of age (including myself). As for now, a scrunchie does its job. It keeps your hair out of your face when you need to tie it up, and I guess it could add a small pop of flair to your average ponytail or bun. But I hate wearing these around my wrists because it resembles the tutu I had to wear in Pre-K ballerina class, and I often feel as though scrunchies can be too puffy on the head. We have hair ties!!! Hair ties exist, you know, and you can buy, like, 500 of them in bulk! A scrunchie is like a hair tie with some extra floofy skin that can never seem to poof and flounce the right way around the base of your ponytail. Extra work for a ponytail — not worth the flair unless your social life depended on it in the ‘vsco girl’ era.
Look at me, getting so sentimental. I have one, final critique to give you, dear readers. Until then!
